20 and a half !!

I recently went to see a doctor for a check up. The conversation with the receptionist went a little something like this:

-Receptionist: Are you at least 18 or older?
-Me: Yes.
-Receptionist: Please sign this form.
-My Mother: [Proudly declares] She's actually 19!
*Receptionist gives a half smile...*
*I look at my Mother waiting for the joke...*
-Me: No, Mom. I'm actually 20 (and a half).

I won't tell you her age, seeing as she just had a birthday and may be a little sensitive about getting older... but you would think it would be really easy to remember my age considering that we're exactly 30 years apart!

I very much dislike bees

In my childhood I had a traumatic experience involving bees. (I may or may not exaggerate that. It's been many years now that I think my subconscious makes it even more traumatic than it really was...)

But being the considerate person I am, I'll spare you the gruesome details. Just know that I fear them greatly.

On Sunday I found out my parents want to get into bee keeping...

Yeah, you read that right.
Unfortunately.

Reality Dreams?

Sometimes I can't remember my dreams from reality.

It's almost a daily occurence these days...

Did I go to work? - Or was that a dream?
Is it the weekend? - Or was that a dream?
Am I really stuck in Russia? - Or was that a dream?

Did I cut my hair? - Or was that a dream?

Am I really blind? - Or was that a dream?

Seriously... It's a huge problem these days.

The other day my friends and I saw a bumblebee larger than the size of our thumbs. They were going crazy while trying to get a picture of it as proof! Personally, I thought they were a little silly and thought it wasn't such a big deal, after all - there are bigger bumblebees out there. I quickly told them of the time I saw a bumblebee the size of my fist!!

The instant I finished saying that sentence to them was when I realized that that was not reality, but in fact, a very strange dream I once had. I then tried to explain to my friends that it was a dream. (I still can't tell if they believe me or just think I'm crazy...)

But I promise you this - I really did see [in a dream] a bumblebee the size of my fist!

Potatoes Potatoes

The other day my friend and I travelled up the mountain to shoot a potatoe launcher. Now, I've never seen one before and didn't really know what to expect.. but I'm telling you this was no potatoe launcher. It was a freakin cannon! It was huge!! We did a few dry runs and the noise it made was incredible. I couldn't wait to load a potatoe into that monster of a cannon.

The time had come. The potatoe was loaded. We sprayed some fuel. We lit the fire....

Nothin.

Tried it again.

Nothin.

Then to our dismay two men came up the trail wanting to 'enjoy the view'. Whatev. So we we're going to wait until they were gone to try again but one of the men noticed the launcher and asked us if it was a potatoe launcher. Yup. Apparently he knew all about them.

He told us stories of how he used to make them out of metal and use actual gun powder. It sounded dangerous but pretty legit. This man really knows what he's talking about. Maybe he could help us fix our problem!

He began telling us that we needed much MUCH more fuel and to stick the can directly into the hole then light that sucker. As he was telling Kyle all of this I was just observing, from a safe distance. This man was wearing a long sleeve shirt, but something wasn't right.

OH MY GOODNESS!

The man was missing an entire arm! I don't think it's smart to take advice on how to lauch a cannon from a man missing one arm.

I looked at Kyle trying to get his attention. I failed...

Good thing the launcher failed too.

That's enough fuel and fire for me. I'd rather keep both of my arms, thank you.

Once Upon A Time...

Once upon a time there was a young 14 year-old girl who was in her last week of the 8th grade. She was anticipating the fun, end of year activities. But most of all, she was anticipating the summer.

The night before the second to last day of school, this girl went on a hike with her young women's group. Being the competitive type, she challenged another young 14 year-old to have a race down the mountain. (The winner of the race is irrelevant to the story...) At the bottom of the hill this girl's toe made the loudest POP you ever did hear. It was heard 'round the world. These young girls laughed and joked about how 'old' they were getting. (Ironic, considering the events to follow.)

Well her toe popped, which didn't really hurt, and she thought nothing more about it. The next morning she got out of bed and fell when she tried to take a step. Her toe was in so much pain! So she hopped to the shower, but the toe eventually got better to where she could put some pressure on it and limp to get around. (Being the second to last day of school, she chose to suck it up.) But, sadly, the pain progressed during the day and when she got home she showed her mother. Lucky for her, her mother is a registered nurse. Turns out she had GOUT.

GOUT = a form of arthritis most commonly found in men of 64. (Interesting fact: It is commonly referred to as "the disease of kings" or "the rich man's disease") Yeah, who's old now?!

Her aunt just so happened to have one of those black boot things. This help take the pressure off of the foot so you can walk. However, her aunt is much taller than her and the boot goes past her knee (which caused some challenges in walking). It was the last day of school and she had to wear this black boot that was much too tall for a 14 year-old and also was just ridiculous looking... but she enjoyed her last day of school anyways.

First day of summer came. Still in the boot.
Second day of summer came. Still in the boot.

Third day of summer - FREEDOM!!! Finally all this anticipation came to an end and she started to enjoy what she had been waiting for! At 14 you're too young too work, but you're old enough to go out and do fun things. It's the time of a young girl's life!

3 days later, however, she got a seriouly bad case of pneumonia.

So long summer...

(TRUE STORY)